wanna go halves on a baby?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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