If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
