Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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