Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
