hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
