He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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