Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Still dying that you shit outside
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
