Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
