absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
