her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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