Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
this hospital has no fireball
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
