frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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