I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
