a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
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