I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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