i just wanna soil my oats bro
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
