Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
