Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Randomize
