is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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