He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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