quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
