My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
