he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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