I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
