i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
