You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
