yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
