just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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