I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
