You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
