And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
