I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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