last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
