So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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