Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
