You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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