And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
