I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
