Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
