My hand turned me down
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
my poor anus
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
