YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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