Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
