he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
