After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
