Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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