Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
