It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
