We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
