Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My cat gives me a boner
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Sext me about skeletons
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
