"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
