i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
