i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
